Well, it's that time again in my life when things seem to have slipped out of my control and I've started to creep up the scale again. I swear to God, this pisses me off. My whole life I've had a weight problem, and I remember actually thinking in February that I had licked this issue; that I had my weight under control and didn't need to focus or worry about it as much.
Christ, that was the beginning of the end. After my birthday party, where I really thought I looked good, I started to get more stressed out about certain things...and I started to eat. I also wasn't going to the gym, due to having blown out my knees a couple of month prior, and had been in physical therapy. But the knees were much better by that point, and I should have carted my ass to the gym. A day here or there not going turned into a week. Then a month.
Suddenly I was paying for a gym membership that I hadn't used in
a while.
So, now, I'm back on the proverbial anti-fat-ass wagon, and I'm going to try to get back down to a healthy weight. I haven't really gained that much, I guess; it's more that what I've gained just looks bad on me - and is not good for my health. Heart disease runs rampant on my Dad's side of the family; osteoperosis on my Mother's. I figure either way I'm fucked, but at least I can try to do something about it. If I go back to lifting weights again it will help with increasing bone mass and density, so that will help one potential issue; and losing the extra sack of potatoes around my midsection will help the other.
I've been hitting the gym again (thanks in part to motivation from my sexy new iPod) and I already notice the difference in my energy. I'm sore as hell and feel like I got hit by a cement truck, but in a
good way. I'm also really cutting back right now; one friend was like "um, that's
all you ate today?" but truth be told, I have to jumpstart things a bit, and just need to go healthy but harsh for about five days and then I can gradually eat a wee bit more.
Listen, I'm not starving myself (I'd have to be doing a Shackleton number before I burned enough fat off of me to starve), but I have a closet full of summer clothes that I can't fit into (or I can fit into but I look like Shamu done up like a summer sausage) and I'm sweating my ass off running around in clothes that I should wear in the fall or spring. I refuse (and cannot afford) to buy new clothes just to make room for my excess weight; so I have to be firm with myself.
THIS article annoyed the hell out of me, though; a piece about
What Is a Healthy Weight?According to the "healthy" weight chart in there, the weight I'm supposed to be for my height would have me looking like a deathcamp survivor. For fuck's sake. Okay, maybe not that bad, but I've been at that weight before, and I distinctly remember people telling me "Hey - you're getting a little too thin...eat a damn sandwich, for Chrissake."
Sure, I felt good - I'm a product of marketing just like most of us, and I was stoked to have someone tell me I was too
thin for a change.
But I know that a few months ago, when I was at a weight that was 15 pounds heavier than their "healthy" weight listed for my height, I looked good, felt good, and wasn't horrified if someone took my picture.
Oh well. I guess I just have to figure it out...