Tuesday, March 15, 2005

You know you're tired of your Gig when...

...you walk by another profession, one of those "I used to do that but I was too insecure so I left it" jobs - like working on a movie set, for example, and you start to really question WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING AT MY CURRENT JOB?

I love my job, the people, the fact that I work with books, the free shit, the discounts - but it's boring as hell now. The glam wore off quick (Oh wow! my first corporate gig! What? I have my own desk? Free coffee?) and is now replaced by a desire to set fire to all the books in the building, corrupt the system with a virus, steal all the office supplies, write some mildly offensive graffitti in the women's bathroom stall and leave.

I came upon this startling epiphany on the way to work this morning, yet another morning when I couldn't get out of bed because the idea of coming in to work was so fucking dreadful (uh, do you think that was a fucking clue?). As I walked down the street towards Fifth Avenue, I had to walk through a movie crew who was setting up an indoor shot...all the grips were outside, either carrying equipment or shooting the shit. All of the sudden I had a huge pang in my chest, and tears sprang to my eyes - I used to work in television production for FIVE FUCKING YEARS, WORKED ON MOVIE SETS, sat in on countless films being shot when my mother would take me on location as a youngster and a teenager...

It's in my blood. Being around all of that. And I walked away years ago because I was scared, scared of what I might be able to do, scared of the folks who are mean in the business, just too insecure to stay in for the long haul. So I got something easy - peddling books. Hey, it beats being a door-to-door condom salesman in the bible belt - but that still doesn't make me feel better. I could also be a fluffer for circus midgets...

But I digress.

I think maybe this was telling me something...that I need to start asking more from myself...and from the way I make my living.


Blogger sangrante said...

You know, I so hear you on that, but at the same time you have great bennefits right now, and the older I get, the more I think that's worth more than any stabbing pang of hipness anxiety....

7:05 AM  
Blogger Wally said...

" I could also be a fluffer for circus midgets..."

LMAO! Now I've got scrambled eggs splattered all over my monitor! I'm gonna have ta not eat while reading your posts! ;-) Hey, best of luck to you, and whatever makes you happy making a (buck) living.

11:01 AM  
Blogger NYCbeauty said...

Oh sweets...I do know how you feel though. I'm still holding out for my dream, whatever on earth that may be....With any hope, we'll figure that out sooner rather than later, right?

12:08 PM  

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