You know you're tired of your Gig when...
...you walk by another profession, one of those "I used to do that but I was too insecure so I left it" jobs - like working on a movie set, for example, and you start to really question WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING AT MY CURRENT JOB?
I love my job, the people, the fact that I work with books, the free shit, the discounts - but it's boring as hell now. The glam wore off quick (Oh wow! my first corporate gig! What? I have my own desk? Free coffee?) and is now replaced by a desire to set fire to all the books in the building, corrupt the system with a virus, steal all the office supplies, write some mildly offensive graffitti in the women's bathroom stall and leave.
I came upon this startling epiphany on the way to work this morning, yet another morning when I couldn't get out of bed because the idea of coming in to work was so fucking dreadful (uh, do you think that was a fucking clue?). As I walked down the street towards Fifth Avenue, I had to walk through a movie crew who was setting up an indoor shot...all the grips were outside, either carrying equipment or shooting the shit. All of the sudden I had a huge pang in my chest, and tears sprang to my eyes - I used to work in television production for FIVE FUCKING YEARS, WORKED ON MOVIE SETS, sat in on countless films being shot when my mother would take me on location as a youngster and a teenager...
It's in my blood. Being around all of that. And I walked away years ago because I was scared, scared of what I might be able to do, scared of the folks who are mean in the business, just too insecure to stay in for the long haul. So I got something easy - peddling books. Hey, it beats being a door-to-door condom salesman in the bible belt - but that still doesn't make me feel better. I could also be a fluffer for circus midgets...
But I digress.
I think maybe this was telling me something...that I need to start asking more from myself...and from the way I make my living.
I love my job, the people, the fact that I work with books, the free shit, the discounts - but it's boring as hell now. The glam wore off quick (Oh wow! my first corporate gig! What? I have my own desk? Free coffee?) and is now replaced by a desire to set fire to all the books in the building, corrupt the system with a virus, steal all the office supplies, write some mildly offensive graffitti in the women's bathroom stall and leave.
I came upon this startling epiphany on the way to work this morning, yet another morning when I couldn't get out of bed because the idea of coming in to work was so fucking dreadful (uh, do you think that was a fucking clue?). As I walked down the street towards Fifth Avenue, I had to walk through a movie crew who was setting up an indoor shot...all the grips were outside, either carrying equipment or shooting the shit. All of the sudden I had a huge pang in my chest, and tears sprang to my eyes - I used to work in television production for FIVE FUCKING YEARS, WORKED ON MOVIE SETS, sat in on countless films being shot when my mother would take me on location as a youngster and a teenager...
It's in my blood. Being around all of that. And I walked away years ago because I was scared, scared of what I might be able to do, scared of the folks who are mean in the business, just too insecure to stay in for the long haul. So I got something easy - peddling books. Hey, it beats being a door-to-door condom salesman in the bible belt - but that still doesn't make me feel better. I could also be a fluffer for circus midgets...
But I digress.
I think maybe this was telling me something...that I need to start asking more from myself...and from the way I make my living.
posted by Billychic at 11:15 PM
2 Comments:
" I could also be a fluffer for circus midgets..."
LMAO! Now I've got scrambled eggs splattered all over my monitor! I'm gonna have ta not eat while reading your posts! ;-) Hey, best of luck to you, and whatever makes you happy making a (buck) living.
Oh sweets...I do know how you feel though. I'm still holding out for my dream, whatever on earth that may be....With any hope, we'll figure that out sooner rather than later, right?
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