Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Out, Out, Damn Tonsils!

The latest news flash in our Heroine's life: I've got fucking Strep Throat.

Yes. I want your pity. Or a check, whichever...

However, it is my duty as your friend to reiterate this important public service announcement, that was broadcast as a bulletin on MySpace and in emails to whomever was in my contact list at work today, in case you missed it:

Hey Gang
just to let you know, the jury is back in, and the doc says I DO have Strep Throat...
I woke up the day after the BDay party (uh, on my fucking birthday) with it, and was probably contagious w/ it the night before.
So, please go to the doctor if you have come down with a sore throat or bad cold w/in the last week.

I'm sorry!

love you
d


See? Aren't I swell? Aren't a great human being?
I couldn't fucking believe it. The doctor knew for like two or three days and didn't let me know...he just called and suggested I take antibiotics since my throat was still hurting. Ya know, this shit can turn into Scarlett Fever and other nasty-sounding icky things? So god knows who I infected...the whole Island of Manhattan and it's surrounding boroughs could come tumbling down in a heap of asphalt, phlegm, and swollen uvulas, and it will be MY FAULT. This fucking nimrod gets paid HOW MUCH for a diagnosis that he doesn't even give me? You know what he told me when I went in, throat so sore it felt like I was swallowing glass?

(Read in the voice of the Horse on Ren & Stimpy)

"Hmmmm. Oh my...that looks awful. Hmmmm....well, it's definitely not Strep. God, it looks bad, though. Pretty Gross! Wow! Hehehe, just kidding, hon...well, it does look bad, though...ew...all that stuff running down the back of your -- aw, well.
I think you've just got a virus."


HA. That's what this fucking clown told me the last time I saw him. Perhaps if he pulled his head out of his ass, wiped off a few awards and diplomas, and quit trying to be a stand-up comedian, he might be able to make a proper diagnosis...
Really, doc? Shit, you ought to take that act on the fucking road. You're funnier than Jerry-Fucking-Seinfeld.

So the asshole swabs the back of my throat, (uh, wait a minute...what kind of blog is this?!?!?) and tells me he'll let me know...Uh, ya know...it takes like 24-48 hours to get the results. I heard from Speedy today with the results...it's been like five days.

Anyway, at least we caught it, and at least I'm on antibiotics...I hate taking those things, but if I have to, then it might as well be for something important...

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