Thursday, November 11, 2004

Every have a really shitty day? I am. Really.

Let me be frank. No, I'm Diánna, but let me be frank anyway...
Today sucked. It didn't just suck in the way you say, "Wow, man, today sure did suck - pass the chips."
No, today sucked as in "Uh...can I just go drag my pathetic crybaby ass under a carpet or rock and chill for a week?"

I am sick as a dog. I don't know what came over me, but I've not been in good health since the show ended, and it manifested itself this week. I just coughed up something that grew arms and legs, lit a cigarette, and walked off with my wallet. I have a fever of 101.
And when I get sick, I get weepy. As in crying along with sappy commercials kind of weepy.
So I'm sitting here, crying, thinking about the election (can we say "beat a fucking dead horse?"), thinking about the fact that I'm scared shitless to go on auditions even though I went on another one and it freaked me out, thinking about the fact that I'm 32 going on 16 going on 80 and really not sure what the FUCK I'm doing with my life, thinking about the fact that I inadvertantly insulted and offended one of my friends due to the fact that I just say things and assume that everyone KNOWS I'm being silly Diánna and not a fucking letch retardo, thinking that there is something to that new book He's Just Not That Into You, thanking that the only good thing about being so fucking sick is that I've lost about five pounds from not eating anything but gatorade, almonds, and luna bars, and suddenly it occured to me:

That I'm really being a sappy dumbass. So, I rant, therefore you are, and now I can go back to bed. I've gone to bed, gotten back up, gone to bed, gotten back up...my eldest cat, Spud, has humored me all night and followed me from living room to bedroom to living room to bathroom (he is so cute, he chills while I take a shower and Nina pokes her nose in the curtain)...

Yet through all this murky horseshit ( I love that word) I feel like the dawning of a new age for me is around the corner. I don't just mean in my sex life, although that has been taking an interesting turn every since my ex packed his shit...I mean in general, in my creative interests.
Hey! I said something positive. Maybe the day ended just slightly sucking less than droping the contents of a bag of expensive grass in Sheeps Meadow (I did that once - uh, who was the asshole? LOL)

Are you bored yet? I am. Goodnight.

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