Monday, October 25, 2004

What Am I Supposed to Be?

I get caught up in a web sometimes between who I'm supposed to be, who I want to be - and within the category of the latter, there are sub-categories of the many personae of I.

I am probably the laziest chick you'll ever meet. I'm also the most hardworking. I am a completely selfish bitch. I'm also one of the most compassionate people who is always stretching herself too fucking thin because she promised 50 people she would do something for them and have it done by next week.

Who am I supposed to be? I know we all have different aspects to ourselves, but as I struggle with the fact that I'm 32 and still financially dependent on my parents (mostly, in part, due to my recent separation from my husband, but let's face it - they were giving us money when we were still married), and I really would rather ignore all the bill collectors that call me all day long and pretend that they don't exist than pay them whatever God only knows that I owe (which isn't that much, but more than I've got right now), I have to ask myself if I'm really being who I am supposed to be? who I should be? or am I doing okay just trying to be the me that I've figured out thus far?

I'm supposed to be self-sufficient, a go-getter, thin, and aging gracefully, right? And I'm not really doing any of those things very well right now.

Oh, fuck.

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